Obit: Local Student Found Dead After Being on Hold with Residential Services About Mold in Bobb for 17 Hours
“By the time it went to voicemail sixteen hours later, spores were already growing out of her corpse.â
Author Archives: Flippy
Insider Report: MTV Launches âShrink Rap,â A New Reality Show Following Kanye Westâs Therapist
Good news! This week, MTV launches a reality series following Kanye Westâs therapist, giving fans a sigh of relief after despair following the Kimye divorce announcement. The show, aptly named âShrink Rapâ follows Westâs therapist Dr. Shakur, a man adamant that he is not in fact Tupac in hiding. As a longtime friend of Kanye West, or Kanye as he lets me call him, I was able to interview Dr. Shakur under one condition: Kanye would accompany me. The notes
Op-Ed: I Will Be Suing Northwestern Because My Marriage Pact Didnât Propose On Valentineâs Day
9:14 P.M. Wednesday. November 25th. Iâll never forget receiving that fateful email: âYour optimal Northwestern Marriage Pact match isâŠâ When I opened the email, I initially thought it was a joke–I mean, we only had 69.420% compatibility! And Iâd never even heard of this guy. I mean, âChad Fratmanâ?? Sounded totally fake. But Chad messaged me almost immediately, saying, âHey bby girl u got snapâ accompanied by a picture of a really cute thumb in a turtleneck. So, of course, I immediately
The Gibby Effect: iCarlyâs Return to Netflix Causes Increase in Wacky Hijinks, Tween Fatalities
A #shirtlessGibby trend has gone viral on TikTok with tweens imitating this war cry in varying degrees of undress and sweatiness. The trend has become so popular, some Gen Z scholars have even dubbed it âthe next planking.â
Data Shows January 2021 Was Best Month for Mansplainers Since December 1999
Mansplainers were able to educate people on a vast range of topics including âwhat a riot really is,â âthe legal nuance behind insurrection,â and âwho actually controls the stock market.â
CW Announces Revamp of âMarmadukeâ as Sexy Teen Drama
Upon hearing that the same Riverdale team would be handling all writing and production, head writer Timothy Prost fell to the floor and immediately burst into tears.
FDA to Approve Vaccine in Fun, Kid-Friendly Flavors Such as âTootie Fruity Immunityâ
âDesperate times call for desperate measures,â admitted Anthony Fauci in a joint statement with FDA director Stephen Hahn. âWeâre not proud to be using Juulâs playbook, but damn, if they didnât have a move or two in there.â
Ask Flippy: The Econ bro I hooked up with requested me on LinkedIn, what should I do?
What should I do? I didn’t even know I had a LinkedIn.
What Feet Dream About When They Fall Asleep
âMost of the time my dreams are about the usual stuff… being late for an exam or that sensational feeling of being slowly slid into the savory embrace of a thick haviana flip flop”
High School Senior Hunted Down and Publicly Shamed By President Schapiro After Accidentally Submitting âWhy Northeasternâ Application Essay
âI think itâs going to hurt the most vulnerable among the Northwestern Community: alumni that name drop Northwestern during every conversation and claim that the Ivy League is âa social construct.ââ