Katy Perry Single; Male Suicide Rate Drops to Zero
Author Archives: Flippy
Bears Make Playoffs – Ha! That’s a Good One!
NU Freshman Takes Wrong Shuttle Home, Ends Up In Qatar
NBA Players Locked Out of Car
Mayor Tisdahl Pardons Tofurkey
Obama Pardons Turkey; Gitmo Detainees Still Waiting
73% Find Sorority Preview “Terrifying”
EVANSTON – According to a study performed by the Psychology Department at Northwestern University on Tuesday, 73% of participating freshmen were “absolutely terrified” by sorority recruitment preview. “It’s really understandable,” Panhellenic Council President Sarah Borges commented. “Six hours of inane small talk, uncomfortable fashion, and tightly-stretched fake smiles? It’s a lot like Dante’s fourth circle of Hell.” Following this Saturday’s six-hour marathon of lightning rounds of frivolous chitchat, outdated traditions like door chants, and judgmental looks over awkwardly eaten food
Kardashian Divorce Brought to you by Valtrex
TLC Honors Gaddafi by Airing “What Not to Wear”
Cubs Sign Epstein, Fans Fear Success
CHICAGO – The Chicago Cubs recently announced the signing of ex-Red-Sox general manager Theo Epstein to a 5 year-$20 million contract, making him one of the highest paid non-players on the Cubs directly behind Carlos Zambrano, Alfonso Soriano, and Ryan Dempster. Epstein, who is just coming off the most unproductive month of his career with the Red Sox, is expected to fit in flawlessly with the overpaid, underperforming style of play the Cubs have perfected over the years. “We are