Area Douchebag Turns to Kant in Times of Crisis
His classmates can’t wait for him to go to a small liberal arts college, where he’ll eventually become philosophy professor and never be heard from again.
Author Archives: Flippy
Trump Generously Offers Clinton the Position of Secretary
The Trump transition team suggested that the job offer was Hillary’s biggest win since the popular vote.
Weed So Totally Legal, Dude
Mimsy, a fucking moron, agrees that weed lets people connect and try to get along.
We Didn’t Prepare A Trump Article Because We Believed In a Benevolent God
Here at The Northwestern Flipside, we apologize for not having a Trump victory article, because we believed in a benevolent God.
Joe Biden Found Hiding Candy around West Wing for Next President
Biden explained it is the most important job he’s had as vice president.
Area Freshman Blushing after Being Asked to Dance Marathon
He has already texted his parents about his date, and he hopes to get coffee on the Lakefill with her before it freezes over.
Area Freshman Drops High School Boyfriend Instead
“Each time he texted me something cute—and we’d text for hours—I’d blush and daydream for 10 minutes. There’s not enough time in a day for all of that, with homework, classes, and my weekly lab.”
Trump Star Smashed Like Trump Smashes Pussy: Without Consent
More and more Americans are becoming convinced that these were less consensual acts on Mr. Trump’s part than they were an unasked-for hammering.
Roommate Mumbles Communist Manifesto in His Sleep
“I’ve never had a history of sleep talking and, more importantly, I’ve never read the damn thing!”
Suite Mate Shocked Nobody Appreciates Her Accordion
Despite hours of intensely practicing George Michael’s hit singles, she reported being told to “shut the fuck up,” and to “douse that piece of shit in oil and light it up.”