âThis definitely isnât the first time Morty has had to cancel class due to his forgetfulness. One day during my sophomore year, we couldnât have morning classes because Morty forgot to wake up the professors.â
The police report revealed countless moans of varying pitches and intensities accompanied by loud banging around 9 PM on Tuesday.
âWho are we fooling with this âone cohesive campusâ bullshit?â, added an anonymous tour guide.
Morty: âWe have students from more Chicago suburbs than ever before; as a matter of fact, we only took 40 kids from ETHS this year!â
Sophomore Brandon Wong says that heâs looking forward to another year and encourages students to give it a shot, even if joy âisnât really their thing.â
âStraight lines of paint are much harder than straight lines of coke, yâknow? I think we nailed it, though.â
âThe sunglasses definitely drew me in, but then I was being asked if I wanted a personal relationship with God in order to rid me of my sins, and I thought, âwhy the hell not?ââ
An overly nonchalant caption, exclusively in lowercase letters and overwhelmingly blasé, follows each post.
Currently, he is yelling frantically into his Bluetooth in fast-paced Spanish, interspersed with the occasional âSHIT SHIT SHITâ as he pounds the dash. Should I be worried?
“DRAM is bopping he’s so jazzy and smooth I love this but also when do I get redrunk.”