Joey Bada$$ to Join 2018 Dillo Lineup
Reports from Mayfest sources indicate that Joey Badass will join Daniel Caesar, Whitney, and Young the Giant in the lineup for Dillo Day on June 2.
Author Archives: Flippy
Morty Embezzles Endowment Money to Buy All the Samosas Outside Tech
“I noticed Morty barreling down the sidewalk on a forklift that must have been holding at least a thousand samosas. He had a very guilty look on his face, and he gave me $6,000 dollars for promising not to tell anyone.”
NU Sex Week Shrinkage Attributed To The Cold
“It’s not usually like this. It just seems smaller because the cold forced us to cancel some events, I swear.”
PHA Bans Ritual Sacrifice of Ugliest Rushee This Year
“So, like, okay. The idea is that by burning a girl at the stake we’re making her sort of like a phoenix, where she dies all weak and gross but rises from the ashes in the image of sorority excellence.”
Morty Finally Breaks Chastity Vows
‘Honestly, he’s been trying to break them since 2002. We’ll see how it goes now.’
Frat Guy Declares It “Year of the Doggy Style”
“We have only the finest and most authentic Chinese beer at this thing. If that doesn’t play out, pouring some soy sauce in Busch Light normally does the trick.”
Tinder Date Makes It to Second-Round Interview
Despite some red flags—Wright claims that Pines did not even catch the fish he proudly displayed on his primary Tinder photo—she advanced him to the next round.
White Allies Second-Guessing Decision to Dress Up for MLK Day
MertĂĽtis and Blomquist originally drew high praise from other white allies for being so progressive as to have a woman portray Martin Luther King.
Mississippi State Bans Hog Fucking After Incident
“The kids are still going to be fucking hogs. We all know it. But now those kids are going to be fucking corn-fed hogs. Maybe even hogs grown in cages and forced to take growth hormones. Believe me, this university is going to see a spike in hog-fucking-related injuries.”
Area Mom Excited To Meet Daughter’s Sugar Daddy This Christmas
“I’m so glad I came to Northwestern—these are the kinds of opportunities only a top-tier university could offer,” she said, examining her new Cartier diamond watch.