Raising Prices 3.6% Only Business Strategy Taught in Kellogg
âI think the 3.6% strategy really synergizes the business ownerâs desire to make money and impoverish millennials.â
Author Archives: Flippy
MTV to Feature Lincoln Dorm on New Episode of âMTV Cribsâ
It was only after receiving an email from Northwestern president Morton Schapiro offering the production company a look into Northwesternâs new five-star rated housing that Diaz knew the new season would be a success.
Morty Hoping Heâll Get More than Natty Light While Trick or Treating at Frat Houses
âI am hoping by the end of this I will have enough candy to last until Christmas. Maybe theyâll even throw a few Keystones in there too.”
Pete Davidson Really Missing Life of Two Weeks Ago, When He Could Shop at Sears
Last week was tough for SNL cast member Pete Davidson, who reportedly enjoyed a âblissful and carefreeâ summer. On October 15th, Sears filed for bankruptcy, bringing Davidsonâs happiness to a halt. Pete was one of Searsâ biggest fans and most loyal shoppers, even tattooing the Sears logo on his body. Now that Sears is no longer financially solvent, Pete has gone through the painful process of covering up tattoos that were once so meaningful to him. âIâve been covering a
Sears Rebrands Itself As âWillis,â Still Bankrupt
âWe thought, âNo, letâs keep everything completely identical. Just change the name. Thatâll get the people going.ââ
Idiot Freshman Can’t Find Building
âI guess itâs early and Iâm still finding my way around,â White said, as if that were actually a thing.
“âPerjuryâ Is the Name of a Drinking Game,â Explains Kavanaugh
In an interview with ABC News today, Justice Brett Kavanaugh explained that the âPerjuryâ mentioned in his high school yearbook is a drinking game and not a felony.
Rest of Clubs Fair Horrified by Mathletesâ âSlave Leiaâ Recruiting Tactic
The presence of Slave Leia led to more interest in their organization than ever before, with over 400 signups to their listserv and 75 phone numbers given directly to “Leia.”
Joey Bada$$ to Join 2018 Dillo Lineup
Reports from Mayfest sources indicate that Joey Badass will join Daniel Caesar, Whitney, and Young the Giant in the lineup for Dillo Day on June 2.
Morty Embezzles Endowment Money to Buy All the Samosas Outside Tech
âI noticed Morty barreling down the sidewalk on a forklift that must have been holding at least a thousand samosas. He had a very guilty look on his face, and he gave me $6,000 dollars for promising not to tell anyone.â