One Book One Northwestern Budget Reduced to One Dollar One Cent
Consternation and significant pushback from angry students on campus calling for a reversal was⊠actually nowhere to be seen.
Author Archives: Flippy
Dorm Room Party Just Six Guys Playing A âBop-Itâ
âI think I misunderstood when he told me it was âgonna be a bop,ââ said Mendoza, âthey were all really into it too. When I tried to leave, one guy put his hand on my chest and told me âdonât stop the bop.â”
Whole Foods Announces New Margarine Substitute: âI Canât Believe Itâs Not âI Canât Believe Itâs Not Butterââ
âFirst margarine and now this? I didnât serve two years in the military, get dishonorably discharged, and move back in with my parents just for someone to confuse me with a quadruple negative!â
Op Ed: If Improv is About Saying âYesâ Then Why Did Every Group Say âNoâ to Me?
As any new Northwestern student who googles âwhat is improvâ five minutes before their audition knows, the only rule to the Chicago-founded comedic art form is saying âyes.â But if thatâs the case, then why did every improv group on campus say ânoâ to me? Iâm talking Titanic, Mee-Ow, ODB, The Bix, even the Panini Players. They all said âno.” I didnât even get a single callback. I say theyâre a bunch of hypocrites. If they were really committed to the
Feminist Lit Class Vows to Remove the Word âManâ From All Books by 2025
All copies of those volumes too patriarchal to edit will be ceremoniously burned on the Lakefill every Thursday night between now and 2025, along with multiple bras and Josh from the Earth Science department who has manspread on the âLâ one too many times.
Scandal Breaks as The Rock Is Discovered To Be A Legacy Student
âThat chunk of sandstone had some powerful friends. Thereâs no harm in me meeting with an applicant personally, sharing intimate secrets, exchanging phone numbers, and making secret handshakes. It gives the student no advantages whatsoever.â
Op-Ed: I’m Finally A ComEd Customer and Now They’re Gone
In all honesty, I donât know what ComEd is. I think itâs something to do with carpentry.
Wisconsin Dairy Farmers Angered by Trump Administration Support of Turkey, Abandonment of Curds as Favored Protein Source
Already, many curd groups are striking deals with the Russian and Syrian governments to remain competitive, receiving aid in the form of milk pasteurizers and arms shipments.
Plex Out of Dinnerware Again, Encourages Students to Eat on Floor With Their Hands
Blood mixed with yogurt as students clawed and growled at each other over the food Plex employees were dumping directly onto the tile.
“If you can read, you can do research” Posters Around Campus Discriminate Against Illiterates
You know, I can sound out words âcause of English 105, but for some NU students, this poster is like a punch in the balls. Itâs not a PC at all, bra.