Hong Kongers Acclimating To Democratic Changes, Reportedly “Can’t Complain” About Chinese Rule
“I suppose I canât say anythingâs wrong…no, I literally canât say anythingâs wrong.â
Author Archives: Flippy
Following Lead of âAvoiding Glutenâ Station, Allisonâs Kosher Station Rebrands to âAvoiding Sinâ
President Morton Shapiro, after consulting the University Board, released in a tweet that by 2020, Northwestern will be officially renamed âAvoiding UChicago.â
From the Archives: Op-Ed: William, ye Olde Wilde Cat, Thou Hast Awakened my Heart
From the moment mine eyes met thine, William, ye olde Wilde Cat, I was eternally enthralled. From then until the end of time, I was, am, and shall be thine.
Op-Ed: I Miss the DM Recruiter Who Would Whisper To Me In My Sleep
I would do anything for you, Ricardo â except dance for 30 hours.
One Book One Northwestern Budget Reduced to One Dollar One Cent
Consternation and significant pushback from angry students on campus calling for a reversal was⊠actually nowhere to be seen.
Dorm Room Party Just Six Guys Playing A âBop-Itâ
âI think I misunderstood when he told me it was âgonna be a bop,ââ said Mendoza, âthey were all really into it too. When I tried to leave, one guy put his hand on my chest and told me âdonât stop the bop.â”
Whole Foods Announces New Margarine Substitute: âI Canât Believe Itâs Not âI Canât Believe Itâs Not Butterââ
âFirst margarine and now this? I didnât serve two years in the military, get dishonorably discharged, and move back in with my parents just for someone to confuse me with a quadruple negative!â
Op Ed: If Improv is About Saying âYesâ Then Why Did Every Group Say âNoâ to Me?
As any new Northwestern student who googles âwhat is improvâ five minutes before their audition knows, the only rule to the Chicago-founded comedic art form is saying âyes.â But if thatâs the case, then why did every improv group on campus say ânoâ to me? Iâm talking Titanic, Mee-Ow, ODB, The Bix, even the Panini Players. They all said âno.” I didnât even get a single callback. I say theyâre a bunch of hypocrites. If they were really committed to the
Feminist Lit Class Vows to Remove the Word âManâ From All Books by 2025
All copies of those volumes too patriarchal to edit will be ceremoniously burned on the Lakefill every Thursday night between now and 2025, along with multiple bras and Josh from the Earth Science department who has manspread on the âLâ one too many times.
Scandal Breaks as The Rock Is Discovered To Be A Legacy Student
âThat chunk of sandstone had some powerful friends. Thereâs no harm in me meeting with an applicant personally, sharing intimate secrets, exchanging phone numbers, and making secret handshakes. It gives the student no advantages whatsoever.â