Weinberg freshman Richard Lärgen has run out of his prescription of Lexapro, a common antidepressant, and was seen mumbling to himself in the mirror “no more Mr. Nice Guy” while attempting to brush his teeth.
Do you think I chose Northwestern for the academics, the extracurriculars, or the community? No! I chose it for the Evanston Chili’s.
Amidst the chaos, and amidst the accession of new president Kyra Lesmerises, the club’s real seat of power–Flipside Vice President and chief eunuch Benjamin Auby–went largely unnoticed.
Erm… did that just happen? I genuinely can’t believe that just happened. I’ve been watching the Oscars livestream on Internet Explorer, so it’s been buffering a little bit. It’s just really crazy that he would opt to do such a thing live on television, and on the biggest night in Hollywood no less… Millions of Americans were watching. Chris Rock could have been seriously hurt or even killed. Oh my God, we need to do something about this. How am
Then, I started to remember another incident. The incident. You see, when I was 9 walked into the living room and saw my parents watching Fifty Shades of Grey on the TV. It was the ice cube scene. Right before what I now know is called some “hot fucking shit”.
Well golly-gee-good-morning, world! My name is John J. Johnson, and I have the best life ever!
“We’re always striving for better here,” explains a Tostitos representative. “Everyone’s been telling us for years that we struck gold with those chips, and we figured what people were looking for next was a lime experience really uninterrupted by the strong notes of chip that defined our previous products.”
Everybody’s seen somebody go on a power trip before. Police officers when they pull over people, that kid that was supposed to watch over the class while the teacher went out to go use the bathroom, Joseph Stalin, just to name a few. But never before has a power trip been as dangerous as this one, never before has one rush of authority to somebody’s head been as dangerous as this. For God’s sake, somebody put Ben down, he’s drunk
The other day when I was driving and intently studying the bumper stickers on the car in front of me, I saw my least favorite sticker of all time.
He slurped up a long, skinny semi-gelatinous tube of unsweetened, organic applesauce and felt a head rush like nothing he had ever experienced before.