Ask Flippy: What Comes After The “Hands On Head” Portion of the Macarena? I Have A Wedding in 2 Hours
I don’t want to look foolish in front of Aunt Myrna.
Trojan Releases New Aphrodisiac: “You’re Both the Same Age in an Airport”
This November, prepare your minds and loins for Trojan Airport: the only aphrodisiac that simulates the untapped sexual desire of seeing a person the same age as you at an airport.
Congress Decides to Choose Speaker of the House Based on Twitter Poll
Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi expressed concern over this strategy of selection. “I’m just worried that if a Democrat wins, Republicans will throw another tantrum,” she remarked, trying to frantically re-download the app, but instead downloading Grindr. After hearing this statement, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert threw herself on the House Floor and began kicking and screaming.
Op-Ed: Sometimes I Think About Chernobyl And I Just Freak Out
But seriously, even just writing about it, I am completely freaking out right now.
“You want a what?” Tappa Tappa Keg Brother Fails to Serve “Negroni, Sbagliato, with Prosecco in it”
Confused. Disturbed. Upset. These are how people felt after the incident this week at the TTK darty. Following the event last Saturday at TTK, several brothers are under fire for their poor bartending abilities after being unable to serve the “drink of choice” of several attendees. Though the Panhellenic Council has asked for an apology, TTK has failed to issue a statement. Grant Liepzig, the brother manning the keg, stands by his tending-performance. More focused on “bringing good vibes” than
Paddle Aside, Pipsqueaks: Big Kids Take Over Pool with Game of “Macro Polo”
After a flurry of pointing fingers, entitled cries, and insults too obscene for young ears or Flipside reader eyes, the parents who organized each party settled on the inevitable truth: their children had the audacity to be born on the same day.
Lack of Red Wave Attributed to Republicans not getting a “Triple-thick Black and White Milkshake” after Voting
Some Republicans are calling fraud about who got a triple-thick black and white milkshake or not, specifically regarding the milk-makeup of the shake. “If you got oat milk instead of real milk it shouldn’t count,” representative Lauren Boebert remarked. “Any weak Lib who can’t handle real American milk is not a real American.”
Ask Flippy: Kamala Harris Ghosted Me on Wednesday Morning After I Sent Her $100. Am I Being Too Eager?
I was so excited to finally have a threesome with Joe and Kamala!
Pulled-Over Driver Coolly Plays Off Shitty Driving Ability: “I was just a bit drunk, officer”
“You see, cops, they’re never really looking to arrest anyone—so you just gotta play it cool if you get approached by one,” Driver claimed, while sitting in a holding cell at the local police station.
Rogue Engineering Professor Found Tampering with Bikes of Students who Failed Midterm
e wanted to display real-life consequences to the unfortunate students who bombed last week’s midterms. Groppenheimer claimed that he proved these students unfit to study engineering because “If they had learned anything from my class, they would’ve been able to fix the bikes.”