A&O Ball Mosh Pit 90% Swaying, 10% Frat Boys Itching To Punch A Woman
“If I get arrested one more time, my parents are gonna cut my allowance to only 5k a month.”
“They Cut Me Out, And Now It’s Time To Pay,” Cackles A Third Johnson In New Blackmail Video
“Because of my unbeatable toe fungus, I was the one voted out of the company.”
Trump Appoints Young Sheldon as Head of Homeland Security
Since November 5th, the president-elect has made several controversial picks for top positions, including Elon Musk heading the so-called “Department of Government Efficiency” (DOGE). However, even many in Trump’s inner circle have objected to his latest and boldest choice: a literal fourteen-year-old child as Secretary of Homeland Security. Sheldon Lee Cooper, of Medford, Texas, turned down a Ph.D. in physics at Caltech to join the incoming administration, saying that “the decision was a no-brainer after Meemaw took me to visit
That Gelatinous Cranberry Sauce Is Ribbed For HIS Pleasure
It’s not just that he doesn’t care, it’s that he can’t care. How can he be thinking about whatever you two are this Thanksgiving when we all know that come turkey time, there’s only one thing on a guys mind – getting to feel every rib, bump, lump, jiggle and wiggle of that mysteriously gelatinous cranberry sauce with sensory spots he didn’t even know existed.
Op-Ed: I think we should bring back the guillotine
Wood frame, metal blade, disgruntled French hangman. Back in the days of the French Revolution, these were the three things you needed to kill someone, all compiled into one machine: the guillotine. But the extinction of the guillotine isn’t just about the advancement of weaponry; it is clearly indicative of a more serious problem in society: people these days don’t support blue-collar jobs, and so we need to bring back the guillotine. In the time of the guillotine, killing someone
The Things I’d Do to Get a Tunnel Under This School
While the snow, accelerated by the wind, stabbed me over and over again in the eyes this week, I realized one thing: Northwestern needs a tunnel.
Top 5 AP Classes the Liberal Education System Will Inseminate You With
Ron DeSantis plans to order the Florida National Guard to send everyone who receives a 5 to his personal gulag.
“Am I Gay,” “Am I Autistic,” And Other Quizzes You Know the Answer to Before You Take Them
There’s no shame in being curious. It’s okay to need the internet to affirm that you enjoyed kissing your best friend “as an epic prank.” Chances are, you use random strangers or factually unfounded quizzes to answer some other questions. For example, maybe you’re not sure if an unhealthy obsession with dino nuggets and Victorian children makes you autistic. Perhaps it does. Best to check
Trump Creates New “BOOM Department” For Bombing His Enemies, Appoints AJ & Big Justice As Secretaries
While some may have missed the announcement in between Trump’s creation of an “Efficiency Commission” and appointment of a sex criminal to lead the government’s law enforcement agency, the president-elect notably created a “BOOM Department” for bombing his enemies and named AJ & Big Justice as its foremen. Trump originally met AJ & Big Justice while he was working the McDonald’s drive thru. The father-son pair ordered everything on the menu for one of their viral videos and proceeded to
Breaking: Election Results Overturned After Lebron Voices Outrage
“Nah,” reads the first post in Lebron’s thread
From the Archives: Clocking into My Shift at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory on March 25, 1911! I Have a Loving Family and Am Hopeful for the Future
I have about ten minutes before my shift starts, and I want to take this moment to be grateful for all that I have now. My husband Hugh Mann has given me so many blessings, foremost among them my lovely home-birthed children. On occasion he even allows me to utter words in public and wear pants.
From The Archives: How To Get Betty-Sue To Give You A Handy-Dandy Down By Lover’s Lane, 1951
Now, I’m sure you have a lot of questions that ma and pa didn’t quite answer.