CHICAGO – Clarence MacMillan, a member of the class of 2015, tried to complete last week’s Chicago marathon while dancing. The Weinberg freshman was seen fist-bumping and electric-sliding his way through the first two miles before a fellow contestant explained about what a complete asshole he looked like.

“Everyone on Facebook was talking about signing up for Dance Marathon, I thought I would give it a shot,” he said. “They mentioned something about thirty hours, and like, come on bro, I knew I could easily beat that time.”

MacMillan’s friends noticed that something was unusual about his preparation the night before the race when instead of fueling up on carbs and getting his gear ready he begged them to “teach him how to Dougie.” Other runners were similarly confused when Clarence began practicing the Macarena in the designated stretching area. One participant in line for water even overheard the freshman asking for a six-pack of Busch Light, saying, “Come on, guys don’t dance sober!”

Adler began the marathon by awkwardly moving his feet and bobbing his head, the go-to mating call of seventh-grade boys. He proceeded to do the jerk, Cotton-Eye Joe and kick-line for ten minutes. About a quarter-mile in, MacMillan casted an invisible fishing rod, attempting to reel in a bystanding girl on the sidewalk.

Eventually, the Northwestern student was stopped by a fellow runner, Chicago resident Brian Burbank. After the situation was explained, MacMillan blushed and walked away, ending his valiant effort.

“Suuuuuuuch a freshman,” Burbank remarked.