Dear Flippy,

Last week I went to the doctor for a long-overdue checkup (I’m United Healthcare and figured they probably wouldn’t want to deny my claim). Overall, I’m in good health! My blood pressure is down to 170/100, and my doctor said my weight is in the 95th percentile for my height–which means lower than 95% of the population. How could he tell I’d been dieting? There’s just one problem: He said he was worried about my joints. Something about too much weight, something about arthritis, and the whole time I’m just staring at this guy like, “How did you get past medical school?” It is a KNOWN fact that I roll the best joints around here. Not just on campus, but in this whole damn county. How do I show this pompous, debt-drowning little ‘doctor’ that I roll the best here?

Sincerely,

King Rolls

Dear King Rolls,

Dude. You need to check yourself before the doctor can check you. Your blood pressure is not good, pal. Joint health is linked very closely to blood pressure. Stay realistic–you don’t need to be Schwarzenegger–but being just a little more active is good for your blood pressure and your joints. Find an activity that YOU enjoy, and don’t listen to any social media “experts” that tell you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.

What’s causing your blood pressure spikes? Is it your diet? If so, try eating more potassium–your body maintains a careful electrolyte balance to keep a healthy BP, but many Americans’ high-sodium and low-potassium diets drive the balance out of whack, jacking up their blood pressure. You can get a lot of potassium from cheap sources like spinach, beans, bananas, and milk. Just be careful to maintain a balanced diet, don’t starve yourself. Oh. OH. You mean THOSE joints. I’m a columnist, I can’t advise on that. But meet me outside Blomquist at 10 tomorrow. I’ll show you some joints, kid.

See you soon,

Flippy