In the 2023 US elections, a federal referendum passed to replace the 1789 AD Constitution with Hammurabi’s Code from 1755–1750 BC. A professor of Near East studies, Miss Potamia, commented, “With the recent controversies over supreme law, it’s about time we reevaluated our nation’s values. The Founding Fathers are overrated. The Babylonians had it right from the start.”

With this change, the entire Supreme Court has been replaced with the five people in the US who can understand Akkadian. The systemic injustices in criminal trials will be eliminated with provisions such as: “If an ox gores to death a man while it is passing through the streets, that case has no basis for a claim” and “If a man rents a boat of 60-[kur] capacity, he shall give one sixth [of a shekel] of silver per day as its hire.” From the maintenance of sick wives to looting burning houses, the Code doesn’t leave much room for biased interpretations. Finally, a system that’s genuinely for the people.

We are no longer a secular country, considering anyone who violates the new Code will feel the wrath of Anum, Enlil, and others. Additionally, racism is annihilated. Now, the only identifying labels are gentleman, commoner, or slave. Miss Potamia confirms that Hammurabi’s Code’s “eye for an eye” mentality allows anyone to right any grievances levied against them. You have the sixth king of Babylon’s permission to do with this what you will. May Ea bless America.