In a shocking twist, Angelina Jolie, best known for her performance as Mrs. Smith, has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt (Mr. Smith). Thankfully, a couple recently beloved by the internet has risen to take their place — John Mulaney and Anna Marie Tendler. Reporters reached out to Mulaney’s manager, Nau DeVorsheng, for comment on the pair’s relationship’s health.

“The bond that John and Anna Marie share is akin to that of a chemical bond between two francium atoms — unbreakable,” DeVorsheng stated. “Should anything ever happen to their marriage, then I’d be willing to dissolve all my assets and commit to myself to a life of simplicity, out of the public eye.”

The Flipside is committed to documenting all the forthcoming highs of Mulaney and Tendler’s relationship and will update this article regularly with the good word.

UPDATE (5/10/21): Well, fuck. We here at The Flipside are saddened to return to this article with unfortunate news — our favorite comedian-textile artist duo has called it splits. However, we remain confident that some couples are built to last forever. As such, we’ve rededicated this article to Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, who began dating in July 2019. The apparent fortitude of their relationship — despite awkward mouth-to-foot kissing  — demonstrates that they simply must be the real deal. Stay tuned, Flippers! We’re bound to see this couple go far.

UPDATE (11/17/2021): Is it something I said? Is it something I did? Why, Lord, must you scorn me so? Yes, dear readers, I am ashamed and embarrassed to inform you that even Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello have chosen to terminate their coital partnership. Alas, it seems that my oracular prowess has been taken from me, and, as such, I have chosen to conclude this article on this sad note. Forgive me, readers, and whoever is watching above, for it seems I have failed you two times too many.