Every morning, before I roll out of bed to complete my silly little tasks, I open TikTok and scroll on over to @jongraz and see if Noodle the Pug woke up with bones or not. (For those who don’t know, if Noodle can stand on his own, it’s a Bones Day, and if not, the consequences for the universe are dire.) If he doesn’t, I cry and then shake and throw up a little before going along with my day.

Luckily, when I woke up, it seemed that today would not be one of those days – or so I thought. Look out world!, I said. It’s a Bones Day and I plan on living like it. Caution thrown to the wind, consequences be damned; Noodle said to treat myself and treat myself I will.

            And then, all of a sudden: What’s this? A phone call from Mom. A revelation. Oh no! Dad hasn’t been sleeping on the couch all these years because of his bad back, but because of their bad marriage. They’re getting a divorce! Noodle, you rapscallion, did you lie to me? How can such a blow to my reality come on a day in which Noodle can stand up?

            After reaching out to the pug, who refused to comment, I sat under a tree for 49 days, wailing and tearing my hair, until I reached enlightenment. All at once, I truly understood the ways behind Noodle’s Bones, which I am here to share with you now.

            Noodle has a plan for all. It is not up for us to decide what a Bones Day does or doesn’t mean. Maybe this divorce is a good thing, and the Bones are working their magic behind the scenes. Anyway, like I said, it’s not up to me, or you, or even @jongraz.

I don’t even know if it’s up to Noodle, but it’s up to his Bones to decide. I just hope Parent’s weekend falls on a Bones day.