Last week Northwestern University students were disappointed to find out that the administration had cancelled all international spring break trips due to the high risk of coronavirus. One student, however is thrilled about this news. Marine biology major and general plankton enthusiast, Jenny Smeely WCAS ‘21, is permitted to move forward with her spring break plans, as she will be launched into the depths of the ocean in a remote capsule and remain there for ten days. 

“Well, well, well, who’s laughing now?” Smeely said, smiling smugly. 

Smeely claims that these trip cancellations are karma for all the people who made fun of her choice of spring break venue. 

“They all called me ‘Jenny the Weirdo,’ ‘Jenny the Deep Sea Freak,’ ‘Jenny-the-girl-who-got-her-head-stuck-inside-a-beaker-during-a-bio-lab,’” said Smeely, “Oh how the tables have turned!” 

Smeely’s aquatic endeavor is an entirely independent trip. Northwestern officials confirmed that there are no deep ocean dives affiliated with the school, nor will there ever be due to the “logistical and legal nightmare” it poses. 

When asked if she was worried about the risks involved with living in a tiny sea capsule at the bottom of the ocean for ten days, Jenny Smeely shrugged and went on to comment how excited she was to “literally dunk on all those haters” by moving forward with the capsule mission: 

“To all those losers who bragged about their trips to France and Japan, I say SUCK IT LOSERS. While they’re back in their lame hometowns I’ll be 3,000 feet below sea level, like the freaking little mermaid, having the time of my LIFE.”

Update 3/27: Jenny Smeely is since deceased after her capsule was swallowed by a deep sea monster.