According to internal documents obtained by the Flipside, the only business strategy taught at Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management is raising prices by 3.6% every year.

“Our goal is to prepare each student to run sound businesses and maintain stable growth,” Hagerty told Flipside. “The most efficient way to accomplish both of these goals at once is to raise prices 3.6% annually, because it lets everyone know who’s in charge.”

“It’s just a smart choice overall,” said John Vanderbilt, a Kellogg MBA student in his second year and already worth 8 million dollars. “I think the 3.6% strategy really synergizes the business owner’s desire to make money and impoverish millennials.”

The Flipside was unable to confirm the authenticity or meaning of leaked texts from Hagerty in which he tells a colleague that the rising prices “only make me stronger.”