When we think about hard-hitting collegiate journalism, we often jump straight to the Daily Northwestern, one of the oldest and largest undergraduate-run newspapers in the country. It has become a staple of Northwestern culture, providing students the delusion of thinking that events on this campus actually matter and a platform to kvetch about every single injustice they paid $60,000 a year to experience.

In his column “Geese and the Subtler forms of Geesism,” Stucker gave us the perfect example of the pretentious, intellectual fuckery that permeates the opinion column. He comes to Evanston for a year or two, and all of a sudden comes to the conclusion that Geese are in fact forming social factions to discriminate against one another, and that Northwestern students themselves are picking and choosing which geese they like best based on deeply ingrained preferences resulting from implicit patriarchy.

If that argument made no sense, well, it doesn’t.

Eliminating the Daily wouldn’t be as hard as you would think. I mean, most of us get our news from our Facebook feeds anyway. If there’s anything pressing, NBN will be on it in their next monthly issue. Besides, I get a lot more of my news from uncomfortable urinal conversations when I decide to pee adjacent to another dude in an empty restroom than I do from the Daily.

The next step would be finding a way to get Northwestern to stop recognizing the Daily as an official publication. That’s not too difficult; they did it with Sherman Ave. And when it comes to heinous content, I firmly believe Morty would be on our side if he followed the Daily editorial board.

The real fight will be getting the SOFO office to pull their funding, or do much of anything. I’ll put that under “long-term strategy.”