EVANSTON — Starting this fall, Northwestern’s Psychology Department’s Introduction to Psychology (PSYCH 101) is implementing a new requirement for receiving course credit: Enrolled students will now have to complete an additional number of hours of physical labor.

According to department chair Dr. Ben Williams, the psychology professors recently realized that the previous commitment to participate in up to ten studies was insufficient. “When it comes to freshmen and sophomores, you can really subject them to any number of surveys of as long as there’s a slight chance of winning an Amazon gift card,” Dr. Williams said. “To really take advantage of this participant pool, we need a dedication to improving our university – in the form of free labor.”

Consequently Dr. Williams, who specializes in studying the psychological development and attitudes of minimum wage workers, has added a variety of physical tasks students can choose between. Options include: fixing the potholes on Sheridan Road, grooming Morty’s poodles, and cleaning up shits in the Bobb stairwell.

However, for the students who are unable or unwilling to work the equivalent of a part-time job for a one-credit class, there is an alternative. “We don’t want to discriminate,” Psych 101 Professor Ellie Fangle said. “So we’re also offering the option of writing a 100-page thesis paper.”