EVANSTON – Evanston city council members, after raising the minimum age to buy cigarettes to 21, embarked on another mission to protect local adults from the dangers of adult life. The council unanimously passed a new ordinance today mandating that no individual under the age of 21 may go to a publicly accessible restroom without parental supervision.

“We just felt the bright young people of Evanston will be safer that way. Bright as they are, they don’t always manage to wash their hands properly, and as we all know, research shows that second-hand urine is harmful to the health of others,” said Zachary McCready, spokesman for the Evanston Department of Public Health. He also ensured all residents under 21 that their rights to activities that are clearly much more manageable at their age such as voting, owning a gun, or joining the military, will not be affected.

“We strongly believe that all city residents are incredibly competent and responsible people, but there are clear dangers in the bathroom that we want to protect our young people from.” The last thing to flesh out about this ordinance is whether the person under supervision is allowed to close their own zipper, and then this is ready to go,” he added.