CHICAGO – Toyota Motor Corp., the world’s largest automobile manufacturer, has just unveiled the newest addition to its fleet of sub-compact crossover trucks, the 2015 Toyota Recall. According to Satoru Iwata, the automaker’s CEO, the Toyota Recall boasts many features that should make it one of the top-selling cars of 2015:

• Excellent MPG: To maximize fuel economy, Toyota’s engineers have stripped the Recall down to the basic functions of a vehicle, removing inessential features such as the gas pedal. Instead, the vehicle will be programmed to accelerate by default.
• Improved safety features: Toyota’s engineers have discovered that larger crumple zones offer more safety, as they give the vehicle more space to decelerate in the event of a collision. Thus, while most cars have a crumple zone that only extends as far as the engine block, the Recall’s crumple zone starts at the bumper and extends all the way to the rear of the vehicle.
• Optional winter package: To prevent occupants from being cold in the event of an accident, the front of the vehicle is designed to burst into flames during a collision.
• A strict “no take-backs” policy.

Market speculators believe the Recall is Toyota’s response to GM’s similar vehicle, the Pontiac Grand Slam, which also has auto-acceleration features. However, when asked what motivated the unveiling of the Recall, Iwata only stated, “Times are tough, and we realized there is now a market for cost-efficient vehicles. Sales have been down recently, but we hope with our new Recall we will have the highest figures of all automakers by the end of this year.”

UPDATE: Toyota has just released a statement saying all models will come standard with the winter package with no additional charge.