In “Ask Flippy,” you, our readers get the chance to ask the most wizened personalities on The Flipside staff for advice about school, relationships, and life. To submit a question, email contact@northwesternflipside.net, or maybe snapchat us or something.

Dear Angry Feminist Roommate,
How do I tell my roommate to do the dishes?
-Isthatpizza Fromthisquarter

Dear Isthatpizza,

WAIT. You HAVE dishes? What century do you live in? Do you KNOW how much child labor is involved in the production of correlle ware? Don’t even get me STARTED on the non-fair-trade sourcing of the starting materials for china production.

When I’m not eating my Icelandic skyr from a biodegradable cup, I find that oaken bowls offer a rich, woody flavor to my kale chips and quinoa salads, so I’m just going to ASSUME that’s what you meant. To clean your bowls, you should rinse with warm water and then gently scrub with your Norwegian pumice stone. To dry, heat the bowls in an oven at around 100˚C. (I bought my oaken bowls at a farmer’s market just outside San Franciso, and should you need more, they ARE available through ilovetofuandmenaregpigs.com.) I’d suggest starting a bowl-heating schedule with your roommates to avoid unnecessary baking cycles.

If you ARE enough of an environment, child, and fair-trade hating masochist to own actual dishes, I guess you should just tell her to do them or something. Maybe tell her you’ll start eating her kale, or her Whole Foods “power kamut blend.” I HATE when my roommates eat my Whole Foods “power kamut blend.”

Dear Angry Feminist Roommate,
How do I tell my boyfriend I’m looking for more excitement in our relationship?
-Can’tget Crazyinlove

Dear Can’tget,

What kind of HORRIFIC, CONVENTIONAL, and HETERONORMATIVE relationship are you in, that you DON’T spend 15-20 minutes each morning and evening discussing your emotions and grievances over cinnamon chai? Like, do you have any hobbies BESIDES reinforcing gender roles? I mean no wonder you’re BORED. Living within and perpetuating the archetypes established by centuries of male oppression doesn’t sound like a particularly enriching endeavor. UGH, why don’t you just add some nutmeg to the pie you’re probably baking and then tell your boyfriend you’re trying to “spice things up.” Maybe afterwards you can watch some nauseating, privilege-manifesting romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon INSTEAD of Jennifer Anniston. UGH, I can’t. I’m done. I’m need to go alkalinize my body with a beet juice cleanse to realign my chakras.

The Angry Feminist Roommate is social justice blogger and kale enthusiast. She’s thrilled to be an undergraduate TA for “Gender Studies 205: Why it’s so Hard to Be a Woman” this quarter and can be contacted through her blog, ilovetofuandmenarepigs.com.