In an unexpected announcement this week, the Trump administration declared that it would freeze $790 million of federal funding for Northwestern University. In light of this difficult situation, Northwestern decided to come up with a creative solution to offset the lost funds. Rather than the typical childlike choice of hosting a lemonade stand or even the endlessly effective bake sale, Northwestern decided to get a little more adult in her approach: donating her eggs.

According to online research (which Northwestern conducted after a series of polls revealed devastatingly low approval ratings for Northwestern’s prospective OnlyFans), Northwestern discovered that she can make, on average, $10,000 per donation cycle for her eggs. That means she would only need to sell her eggs 79,000 times, which is basically nothing. Northwestern was born with between 1 to 2 million eggs and, as a modern woman living in a demanding corporate world, never planned to use them to have kids. I mean, come on, she’s not antiquated like Northeastern with those 13 children in alternate locations like Northeastern in London, Northeastern in Seattle, or even Northeastern in Portland, Maine.

Northwestern is looking forward to all the money that she will make from this endeavor. Hopefully, she will soon be able to fund her newest project: the second installation of Ryan Field, which will also cost $850 million and is indisputably essential to the culture of Northwestern.