All across the world, it’s not that unusual for some people to have strange fetishes. Feet, hybristophilia, lactophilia, even coprophilia. Of course, whatever gets your socks off and gets you turned on really isn’t anybody else’s business. However, recently a phenomenon has been sweeping cities across America: asphalt fetishes. “I Came From The Streets” — a breakdown of tarphelia.

Signs of the modern fetish first began appearing in America in the 1930s when many roads began to be paved as a part of FDR’s Works Progress Administration, or WPA. Records found in the National Archives indicate that workers routinely took time off from pouring asphalt to instead pour themselves out. However, ancient clay pottery found in the ruins of the city of Ur in modern-day Iraq seem to depict workers leaving a mark of their own on ancient Mesopotamia’s road network. Even during the American Revolution, eyewitness accounts suggest some loyal colonists might have enjoyed tarring-and-feathering a bit more than they should’ve.

Interestingly, tarphelia only seems to appear so far amongst men. No woman has been noted to have even the slightest bit of attraction to asphalt, streets, roads, avenues, boulevards, or tar of any kind. To women, a man’s attraction to asphalt is what’s commonly referred to as a “major fucking red flag.” At Northwestern, a recent poll amongst female students indicated 58% believe tarphelia is some kind of mental illness, 28% believe it’s just a strange fetish, and 25% believe they could “someday, maybe, eventually be okay with a boyfriend with tarphelia.” You may notice these numbers don’t add up to 100%, which is due to the fact that while conducting the poll, the pollster got sidetracked dry humping a newly-paved road.

So, the next time some greasy 5’8 frat boy is sticking his tongue down your throat in a frat basement, don’t be surprised if you start feeling a few pebbles.