In a shocking new political move in reaction to the rush craze sweeping college campuses
nationwide, Trump recently announced he would be renaming Greek life “American life.” In an
exclusive interview with Trump, our Flipside reporter, dives deep into this new development.

Flipside: So in our current political climate, with increased climate catastrophes and heightened
geopolitical conflicts, what led you to focus on recoining Greek life “American life?”

Trump: Well, we have to remember to be loyal to America and not the illegal Greek agenda.
The liberal snowflakes want to take over colleges and insert this foreign agenda in our great
American institutions and brainwash our youth. What do Sigma Delta or any of these other
un-American letters stand for? The betrayal of America. Students should join American
organizations like SDT (Supporting Donald’s Troops) and DJT (Doing Jesus’ Teachings). What is
the value of Greece? America is the country of innovations like McDonald’s and Rudy Giuliani
in drag. Greece is just the country of yogurt and that salad and the heritage of John Stamos, but
John Stamos was born in America. This Greek thing is making America a full house of Greek
propaganda. We should all live the American life. That is why I will also be making some other
changes.

Flipside: What changes are you planning to make?

Trump: As of today, I will be renaming Mamma Mia “Mother Mary.” I will be ordering
censorship of all of the “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” movies, especially the third one because
why would you add to the franchise 21 years after it started? I will be banning the gyro because
that’s foreign currency and Zach Galifianakis will now simply be known as Zach Attack because
his name is too confusing to spell. The point is, our administration is working its hardest to
reinstate American values into American life and college campuses. We will not stop until that
goal is reached. As Alexander the Great once said, “How great are the dangers I face to win a
good name in America.” Like Alexander the Great (American), I will conquer American colleges
and give them their true American names. That is the American life.