We aren’t sure why, but we sat down with an infant by the name of Barack Hussein Obama II to talk all things economics, healthcare, and political reform.

You know, of course, that international political demagogues and malefactors are intent on condemning the United States government’s attempts to establish liberty and democracy abroad as “imperialist.” Within the confines of your philosophy, how do you think we should best approach diplomatic relations with foreign nations whose ethical principles conflict with American interests? The Soviet Union chief among them, although we must presuppose that there are at all principles to which they adhere.

Obama: Da-da? (Hiccups.) Ook.

Let’s change tack. Do you feel that President Kennedy has delivered upon his campaign promises?

Obama: Awaaaa. Awaaaaaaaa. Po po poo poo. HA HA!

You have a very presidential affectation. Has anyone ever told you that?

Obama: (Gesticulating wildly) WA MA GA BA BA.

Have you considered what you might want to do when you grow up? Never too early to start dreaming.

Obama: I want to drone-strike innocents in Yemen.