After driving five minutes from her Evanston home to Target, 26-year-old Rebecca White noticed what seemed to be an unhoused neighbor standing by the door. The woman then told the man that she could alleviate his suffering through one simple process: manifestation.

“I normally would have just walked by, but today I heard one more voice than usual inside my head and it told me to talk to this unhoused man, that it could change his life,” she said. “So I walked over, reached into my pocket, and handed him my crystals that I carry with me at all times.” The woman reported that although she learned her method from teenagers on TikTok, it is “super legit.”

“All you have to do is sacrifice a lamb and write ten affirmations on a piece of used underwear and it’s most effective if you know how to astral project but that’s a whole separate thing, very complicated,” she explained. According to White, this strategy of manifestation has a 100% success rate. “One time I manifested wealth and success and woke up the next morning with a trust fund.”

It turns out that the man Rebecca saw was not actually homeless, and was in fact just was wearing baggy clothing and holding a Starbucks cup. “This woman grabbed me and started talking about this astral projection shit, I thought she was tripping on something,” he said. “She kept saying that I didn’t have to live like this, that I could choose success—I just wanted to drink my Starbucks. I almost called the cops on her.”