Dear Flippy,

            Recently my friend told me that when two girls go at it, they “scissor.” I was confused at first but luckily she demonstrated with her Barbie dolls so now I kinda get how the whole thing works. I would’ve googled it, but my mom has child protective locks on my iPod touch. But now that I know what scissoring is, I feel like I have to know how the other two parts of the lesbian sex trinity work: rocking and papering. 

            I feel like I’m lost here. I’ve got a few guesses, like papering might be when two girls lie flat, like paper. And maybe rocking involves a rocking chair? That might explain why my aunt and her roommate like that piece of furniture so much. I don’t know, I just feel so lost. Do you have any sage advice Flippy?

With love, 

Confused

Dear Confused,

            As someone who’s eaten more carpet than a Dyson vacuum, I can offer some advice. Rocking and Papering are pretty advanced lesbian maneuvers, and probably too technical for someone with your limited experience. If you want to learn more about lesbian culture, try starting with more bush league (no pun intended) material like Reneé Rapp’s discography or pining after a straight friend. 

Happy munching,

Flippy