Kindles have taken the world by storm. Ever since people realized that you can read embarrassing, smutty novels, or memoirs by cancelled celebrities without revealing the cover to strangers, they have been flying off the shelves. But there is a dark side to this beautiful technological innovation that can store up to 6,000 books while being light as a croissant, the man who watches you through your kindle at night and loves when you roll over on your side.

One of the best things about kindles is that you can read them in almost any position. Instead of having to uncomfortably sit upright with 8 pillows behind your back just so you can have sufficient support, with a kindle, you can read standing up, curled into a little ball, or of course sensually on your side (that’s the man’s favorite).

There’s just something about the hip curvature and immense vulnerability associated with this position that makes the man watching through your kindle go absolutely buck wild. So, while you’re distracted reading the latest Colleen Hoover about yet another abusive (but it’s okay because it’s hot) relationship, the man in your kindle is absolutely reeling, and if you weren’t so distracted you could probably hear him panting through the charging hole.