One of the best things about Tik Tok is that it has replaced old-school magazines in its ability to create new aesthetics every week that women must follow unless they want to be deemed ugly and undesirable. The biggest one so far has been “clean girl,” which involves yanking your hair into a bun so tight that it will lead to premature balding, only wearing black, and sporting all the chunky gold jewelry that Amazon has to offer. “Mob Wife” is a recent development that basically involves dressing like a mom from Staten Island (think lots of cheetah print). The newest trend, however, is particularly complex. If you want to look hot, your new mission is to embody a carpool mom that not-so-secretly smokes weed (CMTNSSSW). 

To really commit to this look, you’re going to need a minivan, bloodshot eyes, a persistent cough, and a slightly slow reaction time. CMTNSSSW wears a different jacket every day because the one from yesterday smells like smoke and if the other moms at soccer practice caught a whiff, they probably wouldn’t let her drive their kids to Wednesday training sessions anymore. She always keeps snacks in the center console of her car, never lets the kids have any, and must restock twice a day. 

CMTNSSSW always carries around a Nalgene water bottle and never leaves the house without her Lululemon fanny pack that contains an assortment of edibles, dogwalkers, pure flower, and blinkers. She is subtle about her habit, but generous with her goods. Because of her, Sunday afternoon soccer games are every mom’s new favorite pastime.