The social media page “5 Minute Crafts” has been known to post some kooky content in the past ranging from weird to downright insane. It’s almost like the channel has lost its way and has sacrificed pragmatism for clickbait. Their latest creation, though, is no mere fluff piece. 5 Minute Crafts finally reconnected with their roots and debuted a tutorial we can all appreciate: “How to Mold an Infant’s Soft Skull Into a Nice Centerpiece Vase.”

Normally, children are loud, disruptive, and somehow always sticky. But with 5 spare minutes and a pottery wheel, you can turn them into something useful, like a brie bowl or a cigarette ashtray. Just think how much more you’d love your child if their head could hold a beautiful orchid instead of just being the useless puke cannon it is now.

Some people might object to the use of live infants in home pottery, but 5 Minute Crafts released a statement to dispel any negative press. An excerpt reads as such: “All infants used in the crafting process are cage free and sustainably sourced from local daycares.”

In the end it comes down to a simple game of choice. What is more important to you? Having a baby who develops normally, or having a breathtaking ornamental vase to really bring together your recent kitchen remodeling? I mean you spent so much on that kitchen island, you might as well spruce it up. Besides, your kid can always wear a hat.