BREAKING: Local Adoption Center FIRE SALE! Everything Must GO! While Supplies Last

ValueChild Homers, Evanston’s local child adoption center, has announced their annual fire sale. In order to reduce inventory, ValueChild Homers is offering up to 50% off their original prices, and the Evanston community couldn’t be more excited.

“It’s like Black Friday in there,” said Noah Chyld, nearly out of breath. “You’d be surprised how many families are fighting over the same kids. Parents are arguing. I think one of the kid’s parents are already divorced. There may only be only teenagers left and it’s not even 3pm.”

“I’m not even sure what happened,” reported Klue Lysddad. “It was a madhouse. Some people are just grabbing kids and going. Is that shoplifting or kidnapping? I don’t even know the names of my kids. I just signed and left.”

“I thought It was an actual fire,” said Timmy, one of the kids from the adoption center. “I ran out of the building just to see what was going on. There was one of those floaty balloon guys from car dealerships outside, and before I knew it there were two sets of parents arguing above me. I don’t even think it was ever sorted out. I think I have four parents now.”

“I don’t even want kids,” said this random man, who the Flipside couldn’t get the name of. “But it was buy one get one free, I’m almost losing money if I don’t capitalize on that. I think I could probably flip the older one for more money.”

When a Flipside reporter asked if this was illegal, ValueChild Home’s responded that their motto has always been “Change A Life, Change The World”.

“We believe the more lives we can change, the more we can make this world a better place. Everything happens for a reason, even if the road to get there is bumpy and unmarked.” said another random man, unprompted and crossing a street. He was later hit by a car. The Flipside is still unsure on the legality of the entire operation.