Yesterday, Bun N. Oven, a crazed sophomore with “fire in her eyes”, was seen hunched over in front of her dorm’s bathroom sink as she yanked out her IUD. Her procedure was aided solely by extreme, adrenaline-inducing baby fever.

Oven was peacefully sitting in her dorm scrolling on TikTok when she happened upon one of those family accounts. While she made sure to internally acknowledge how unethical putting your un-consenting children on social media is, she couldn’t stop the gigantic smile on her face as she stared at some of the world’s cutest babies. Of course, she knew the parents would immediately leave the kid in a dumpster once it reached a less adorable age, but she was not able to focus on that fact as it giggled and cooed.

Suddenly, Oven’s joy turned into complete rage over the fact that she didn’t have a baby of her own. This anger was likely brought on by the fact that she was a day away from her period, which meant her hormones were making her feel like the “before” of a Snickers bar commercial.

Moved by her extreme baby fever and no real mental cognition, Oven ran to the bathroom where there was one person peeing and at least two people brushing their teeth. In front of all of them, she reached right up into her barren uterus and yanked out the IUD her gynecologist had inserted only a month prior.

The rest of the people in the bathroom were horrified by the bloody mess; but before they could run out, Oven vanished. She banged on every single male student’s door, screaming, “Someone impregnate me! Someone impregnate me!”

Sadly, there were no willing men and, more importantly, no willing sperm.

A few days after her period, Oven was asked to comment on the situation.

“I do not recall,” she calmly stated.