Feet. We all know those nasty little suckers sleep, but what in the Dan Schneider’s foot fetish do they dream about? The Flipside’s I-team interviewed local foot and SESP student Toeseph Footstein to gain some valuable insight.

“I mean, yeah, we dream just like everyone else,” Footstein said. “Most of the time my dreams are about the usual stuff… being late for an exam or that sensational feeling of being slowly slid into the savory embrace of a thick haviana flip flop, you know the drill.”

We asked Footstein to expand on what exactly he meant by “the drill.” He explained, “Okay well there’s this girl in my LOC class, VicToeria, and we have mad chemistry. She’s always got a fresh french pedi with a bedazzled big nail and it’s like, ugh, get in my zoom private messages, am I right? So the other night I may or may not have had a frisky dream about her. Yeah, we may or may not have intertwined our toes in the room I booked us in a Golden Goose sneaker downtown. It may or may not have been romantic as heel.”

In spite of repeated attempts to stop Mr. Footstein from intricately describing what seemed to be a foot sex dream, he refused, continuing “I poured us each a glass of my favorite cab, and we played a little light footsie under the moonlight. We fed each other bunion rings and I massaged her arch, so I guess you could say we absolutely smashed.”