Hey Flippy! I’ve been taking baths with my mom since I was a kid, and at first, it was great. It was a symbiotic relationship—we got clean, and also spent some quality mother-son time together, just as God intended. But over the last thirty years, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t take it anymore. It just takes too much time! I’ve been trying to get her to switch to showering instead to make our morning routines less rushed, but she won’t budge. How do I get my point across while still being her favorite son?

Sincerely,

Mama’s Boy Mark

Dear Mama’s Boy Mark,

In today’s modern world, we unfortunately don’t have a lot of time to have bath time with our mommies. If you can’t get her to switch to the shower, I recommend trying the Oedipus 2-in-1 Formula—it works as a sin-blasting body wash and soothing lotion. It will cut down self-care time immensely so that you can still recreate your time in the womb all in the comfort of your own tub.

Concernedly,

Flippy