Late last night, Ellen Riccio, McCormick junior and treasurer of Northwestern Mancala, held her fellow clubmates spellbound with hair-raising war stories from her dealings with the Student Organization Finance Office.

“Ellen has really been around the block, man,” said Weinberg freshman and club member Jacob Ruiz. “The battles she’s had with the bureaucrats at SOFO… man. I’m still shook over what she had to do to get that brownie mix for our fundraiser reimbursed.”

SOFO, which in a recent student survey was rated the least popular non-fraternity entity on campus, denied any improper action on its part.

“We follow our internal rules and university policy to the letter,” read a response from the office’s contact email. “If you think that’s a problem, throw away your stupid article and go jump in the lake, you fucking pathetic piece of shit. Good luck getting your website fees paid without us. Everyone in your club is a disgusting little worm. Warmest regards, SOFO.”

Riccio was unsurprised by this response when given a chance to comment herself.

“Yeah, they always talked a big game,” she said. “They consider it their God-given mission to fight student orgs over every penny. But I’ve won my fair share. The Great Account Reconciliation Form Battle of Fall ’18… that was my finest hour.”

What is Riccio’s advice for other club treasurers frustrated with their interactions with SOFO?

“Just try to stay human,” she said. “When you’re two months into an email chain arguing about an event contract and they’re still hassling you about signatures the day of the event… it’s easy to lose yourself. But you can’t become the enemy you set out to defeat.”

“Think of the people back home who are counting on you, and hold on.”