In light of concerns about girls feeling unsafe at fraternity events, Northwestern’s Interfraternity Council has announced a competition aimed at getting frat brothers to treat women with even the bare minimum of decency. The Respect Women Challenge will span the entirety of winter quarter and each fraternity is required to participate.

“It’s the perfect plan, really,” said the IFC president. “There’s nothing frat guys like more than cutthroat competition. I can’t wait to see them tear each other apaaaart …with the goal of increasing female safety on campus of course.”

Fraternities can earn Respect Points by attending a series of workshops. Some of these include “How Not to Roofie Girls 101”, “Places to Put Your Hands Other than the Small of a Girl’s Back,” and a frat favorite, “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Trivia Night.”

Sources say Pike has taken an early lead in the challenge, as their chapter has downed the most cans of “respect women juice” so far. Commented Pike brother Tyler Matthews: “This shit tastes just like Natty!” The enthusiastic Matthews also replaced the “Saturdays Are for the Boys” flag in his room with one that reads: “Saturdays Are for Respecting the Fuck out of Women.”

At press time, the IFC came under fire after it was revealed that the winning frat would receive a selection of Russian mail-order brides.