As fall quarter classes gear up for midterms, freshman Jean Westin has been struggling to keep up with the pace of a college curriculum.

“After 85 consecutive days of doing, like, nothing, it’s hard to get back into the swing of things,” she said, clearly skirting the fact that she had not opened a single book since arriving on campus. “That’s why I’m having trouble keeping up. I still feel like I should be chillaxing.”

Westin continued to explain that her not reading or writing whatsoever since move-in was entirely due to “beach brain,” and because she was “still in that summer state of mind.” Careful analyses by the Flipside staff revealed that any condition known as “beach brain” is, in fact, entirely made up.

“We just start so late. All my friends went to college, and I was still at home getting crunk on Monday nights. It’s not like I can just flip a switch and start being a tryhard out of nowhere,” said Westin, getting crunk on a Monday night.

At press time, witnesses reported catching Westin doing a line off of her sorely unused calculus textbook.