Northwestern Required to Provide Eight Metric Tons of Corn for Nebraska Football Team to Graze
Flipside reporters have confirmed that before their Homecoming contest against Nebraska, Northwestern obliged with a long-standing Big Ten policy and provided the Cornhuskers with eight metric tons of corn to satisfy the teamâs so-called âcraze for the graze.â
The official policy of the Big Ten reads: âWhen any school hosts the Nebraska Cornhuskers for a football game, they must provide a minimum of eight (8) metric tons of corn to ensure adequate player grazing capabilities.â
The Northwestern Budget Committee initially had qualms about the high price tag of the corn. However, President Morton Schapiro reassured them the spending was justified.
âI want to be transparent about this. Like Iâve said many times before, weâre comfortable spending this money as long as the corn in no way benefits the student body whatsoever.â
Nebraska Head Coach Scott Frost insists that the unorthodox grazing ritual is a âwinning strategyâ for the now 0-6 Cornhuskers.
âI think our boys play their best after having collectively consumed eight metric tons of corn before the game. Itâs natureâs pregame food.â
When asked to address the Cornhuskersâ pitiful defensive efficiency statistics, Frost became hostile, dismissing every subsequent football-related question: âListen, if you want to talk grazing, Iâll talk grazing. Leave it to those âNerdwesternâ students to talk stats.â
While Frost insists the pregame meal had nothing to do with the teamâs end-of-game meltdown, a since-deleted tweet from linebacker Luke Gifford blamed Northwesternâs game-tying drive on the defenseâs âcorn coma.â