As the night began to wane on the meeting, the members of Ukulele Club once again gathered in a demonic chorus to Jason Mraz. Setting fire to lesser stringed instruments as tributes, a massive bonfire of banjos, lyres, and lutes began to form within the circle of quirky, hipster, blood-letting fans.

“I originally didn’t believe in Dark Lord Mraz, but after I heard the endless covers of ‘I’m Yours’ by out of tune twelve-year-olds over and over again on my Facebook feed, I knew only a being of great power could create such evil.” said one cloaked member reverently, gently cradling their Uke, and wiping sheep intestines off their Converse.

The Ukulele Club has been at the center of controversy beyond the mysterious disappearances of small animals during renditions of “Lucky.”

“There was a growing movement of harmonica players in patronage to the false prophet Adele,” one member confessed, clearing what appeared to be strawberry jam from the corner of their mouth. “And of course, Dark Lord Mraz couldn’t have that. By the command of our eternal leader, ‘We scooched on over closer, dear, and nibbled their ears’. Though we may have gotten a bit carried away.”

Though the Ukulele Club has long been embroiled in scandal, all attempts by the University to investigate or to control the club-turned-cult have failed.

“Any time we send somebody over, they never come back,” said board member of the Student Org. Union, Juliet Cambeara. “We’ve only seen brief glimpses of our representatives, wearing tie die shirts and denim jackets, burning effigies of John Mayer.”

“Look, no matter what’s happened in the past, no matter your musical ability, we can all celebrate the gifts of Drake Prince of Darkness Mraz,” said yet another anonymous member. “Just come to a jam session any time, no experience required! As He who Can Effectively Pull Off a Fedora has taught us, ‘Open up your mind and see like me/Open up your plans and damn you’re free/We’re Just One Big Family/Kill Justin Timberlake Fans’”.