After hearing my friend Tamara mention in Econ this morning that she had plans Saturday night, I came to the natural conclusion that there has to be a party. This conclusion was especially verified after I asked what she was doing and she said she was hanging out with her sorority girlfriends. If Tamara is reading this, I’m not stupid. I know that you didn’t want me to go to the party with you. But I still love you.

So even after what seemed like all the evidence I needed that there was a party on Saturday, I went in search of more evidence. After all, I do attend an elite school, Northwestern, so I think like a scientist, that is, skeptically. To just be sure, at Norbucks I pretended to be drinking coffee but was actually eavesdropping on some frat guys the table over. After some cute grunts, they began to divulge that they were gonna get lit on Saturday. Using the scientific method, I realized, getting lit could just mean smoking marijuana, which I don’t like. So I still wasn’t quite sure there was a party on Saturday.

Looking at Facebook events, texting friends what they are doing Saturday, and snapchatting friends what they are doing this Saturday with a dog filter, I couldn’t even answer my mom’s nightly Face time call.

So yeah, I think there’s a party on Saturday. I will definitely maybe be there after someone responds to my texts.