In response to a loud noise outside his window early Tuesday morning, President Morton Schapiro pulled the covers higher over his head to hide from an increasingly uncertain and terrifying world, personal aides confirm. “Morty has been having night terrors the past couple days, and this alarm test or did nothing to dismiss his growing fear of a cruel and dangerous reality.” said top aide and indentured servant Michael Hunt, WCAS ’99, to a concerned press.

According to Hunt, he was awoken by the sound of a frantic service bell echoing the alarms ringing outdoors. “I ran into Morty’s bedroom to find a huddled shape beneath the covers. It took the promise of an extra juice box with breakfast before he’d even poke his head out.”

However, Morty was still in distress at the horrifying world he existed in. After some light coaxing, a glass of warm milk, and a story, the aides were able to get President Schapiro back to sleep. Witnesses report that Morty was then able to forget about the unknown dangers lurking outside his bedroom, and dream soundly of his personal safe space.

“He’s a brilliant little angel, but he can be a real handful sometimes.” sighed Hunt lovingly.