The recent decision to replace Andrew Jackson with Harriet Tubman on the twenty-dollar bill is on the surface, a wonderful step towards equality. I am all for the advancement of women, and more specifically, the advancement of black women. However, the government failed to take into account one crucial problem with placing Harriet on the 20. That’s right, this decision has the potential to cut the wages of thousands of hard working women in half. Why? Because generous tippers like myself find it weird to see a woman on the money we use to tip strippers, and an old woman at that. It would be a different story if she was hot, I mean put Marilyn Monroe on there and I’m all over making it rain.

In general, how can we do this to the women who work hard all over the country to please others? They are the true philanthropists of this world. I can only hope that one day the people of this fine country will come to their senses and remove this horrid awkwardness from strip club interactions. Can you see Obama tossing Harriets on the hoes? Me neither.