EVANSTON – Spring quarter is off to a rocky start. Not only had Monday migrated to Tuesday two weeks ago, but winter has decided that maybe spring won’t arrive this year, and the geese on the Lakefill seem to have gotten the message. This latest cold snap has seen close to half the flock fly back south in hopes of warmer weather for the foreseeable future.

According to Professor Carl Spiny, renowned ornithologist and part-time PBS personality, “Northwestern’s birds are some of the best and brightest in the school’s history, and if they’re fed up with the cold, it may be best not to leave your Canada Goose back in Santa Barbara.”

This year is apparently worse than most because, as Fox News says, global warming is a farce and outbursts of cold are just something you have to live with.

When asked for comment, Mother Nature blustered frostily for a few days before spraying water all over the microphone.