EVANSTON — Local resident Miles Bell, 28, was outraged by the cultural appropriation of paganism that took place his past Halloween. As a practicing pagan, Bell was severely offended that so many people didn’t see the problem in wearing costumes and trick-or-treating.

“They have no respect for my beliefs,” Bell said. “I just want to honor my ancestors on this holy night with a simple ritual, but instead I have to deal with these brats running around – that’s not even what real witches look like!”

Bell also commented on the crazy party that took place next door to his house. “These teens were just throwing empty cans on the ground and playing their techno jams way too loud. The nature goddesses are displeased, let me tell you.”

With all of these misconceptions, Bell urges people to consider their friendly, neighborhood pagan when planning next year’s festivities. “Halloween does not belong to the sticky kid in a pirate costume,” he said. “It’s a pagan holiday and people need to know how to celebrate it without being offensive.”

In order to bring awareness to this issue, Bell set up a campaign entitled “Your Frozen Costume Is Offensive.” Its goal is to eliminate candy and costumes from Halloween and replace it with culturally accurate community sacrifices in the park.