EVANSTON — This past week, the Northwestern University Department of Statistics released a groundbreaking study confirming that 100% of statisticians are awesome. Based on over fifteen years of rigorous research and case studies, the important study lays out an airtight case for the notion that every single statistician is incredible.

“The results of this study were exactly what we expected,” explained head statistician for the Department of Statistics, Larry Spencer. “I’m just glad that we finally have some quantitative proof that all statisticians are completely awesome, a popular belief among the general public.”

When asked whether confirmation bias may have played a role in the study, Spencer responded, “What does that mean? I don’t even know what you’re saying.”

Many proponents of the study believe it will eventually join ranks with some of Northwestern’s most revolutionary studies of the past, such as “STUDY: Humans Are the Most Intelligent Life Forms in the Universe” and “STUDY: John Evans Definitely Did Not Kill a Bunch of Native Americans.”