Step 1: Beverages

Your beverage of choice should be beer, and when we say beverage of choice, we mean the ONLY ACCEPTABLE BEVERAGE. Start knocking back those PBRs and Busch Lights now to give you a head start.

 

Step 2: Sitting

Anytime you are sitting down you must be slightly slouched in a leather armchair with a brew in your hand. Your posture is key, you’ve been working a desk job for years, and you just want to kick back and watch the game with a couple of cold ones.

 

Step 3: Lifting

As important as lifting is, cardio will be your downfall. If your pulse ever rises above 115 bpm, you’re not doing it right. Without your beer belly are you really a dad? Do you even have a bod? We can’t be sure, so bottom line is that you should NEVER TAKE THE STAIRS. Dads don’t need stairs, and neither do you.

 

Step 4: Aesthetic

Is your chest as bald as a newborn baby’s butt? That’s a problem. You need to apply hair growth cream daily until you reach optimal mane thickness, it should be majestic and aggressive like the presence of Aslan.