EVANSTON – Last Friday night, celebrity scientist Bill Nye was given a warm welcome by Northwestern students in Pick-Staiger Concert Hall. Nye spoke on topics ranging from climate change to education at the event sponsored by Northwestern College Democrats. Nye, however, was given a less-than-warm welcome by the Northwestern Chemistry Department.

Upon arrival in Evanston, Nye was notified of the organic chemistry midterm he would be required to take to remain on Northwestern’s campus. Nye initially protested, but yielded to the persistence of several of Northwestern’s more ominous faculty. He was given approximately 50 minutes to complete a 7-question exam in Tech LR2, proctored by several non-English speaking grad students.

Nye’s exam was scored upon completion, and chemistry professor Lawrence Triston was disappointed to discover that Nye scored only a 45% on the exam. “He would never cut it in my class,” Triston declared. “So he can just get out of here with his stupid bow ties and his stupid TV show and his stupid hair and his stupid smile and his stupid science experiments.” Triston denied all allegations of jealousy of Nye.

In other news, Nye passed a SESP_203 test with an outstanding 152%.