By Lucas Pettinato

 

EVANSTON — First, it was Hot or Not. Then came Tinder, Grindr, and now this. Ladies and gentlemen of Northwestern, I would like to introduce the newest form of mobile sexual communication: Friendsy.

Friendsy is a friendly and innovative way to find out if the people you want to f*ck are ACTUALLY available to be f*cked on your college campus! The app comes with three options when faced with a new victim: friend, hook up, and date. If both you and your victim press the same option, you’ll match up! Then, Friendsy will even allow you to talk directly to your prey and engage in a topic starter, such as, “Once married, how many children will we have and what should their names be?” However, you don’t have to click one of the options for every candidate. If you don’t find a victim innocent or vulnerable enough to f*ck, Friendsy will let you make like a windshield wiper, and swipe that hoe right off your screen!

People are worried, however, that Friendsy is being used chiefly for booty calls rather than establishing perfect, online friendships. The Northwestern Flipside interviewed a NU college freshman to get her opinion on the subject.

“Yeah, I’ve been at school for three weeks, I’ve had Friendsy for one week, and I’ve already had 7 dates, 5 hook ups, and 3 one-night stands,” Jane Medford confessed casually. “I even saw one of my professors on Friendsy… Friendsy is simply an easy way to get some fraternity dick fast, and in the comfort of my own university.”

Is Friendsy really about making friends? Or is it just another way for young adults with raging hormones to talk dirty with one another just like Jason Derulo intended? I believe that’s up to the spread of Ebola to decide.